Tracy's Journey to a Healthier Life

Not much to blog about today, but I promised myself I would try to post everyday, so here goes Day 2 of my challenge.  I am not feeling well and haven’t been for the last couple of days.  I feel like I just want to stay in bed forever!  Worked until 10 tonight and then was faced with a snow storm to drive home in.  Those kinds of conditions always stress me out.  I have to make some phone calls tomorrow to try to make some appointments and on Friday I go to the doctor to get a new prescription for my acid reflux.  I am going to tell him about the problems I am having with my leg and my stomach.  Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Well, it’s a new year and new chance for me to reach my goals.  I have said this time and time again at the beginning of each new year, so what is so different about this year?  I think I have finally got sick and tired of the aches and pains and watching my daughter develop all of the same bad habits that I have.  As of today, I weigh 244 lbs and I feel disgusted with myself and extremely frustrated that I have allowed myself to get to this point.  I am now suffering pain in my left leg when I walk more then 10 or 20 feet and I am convinced it is because of the extra weight on my body and all the stress I put on my ankles and calf muscles.  So, today I am trying to turn over a new leaf. I am going to start monitoring how much sleep I keep and try to keep a log of what I am eating everyday, why I am eating it and what I am feeling while I am eating it.

I have been on this journey for half of a year now and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier.  I have been on a gain-lose-gain-lose-maintain-lose-gain roller coaster ride for over a month now.  I lost my membership to the local YMCA due to financial difficulties and I just can seem to get motivated to continue a fitness plan or workout routine at home.  The weather is starting to get nicer here in Ohio, so maybe, just maybe I can get motivated.  I have decided that since we are moving in two months to a location that has sidewalks and is safer for me to go on walks and bike rides that I am going to purchase myself a new bike.  Hopefully, my daughter will catch on to riding her new bike that she got for Christmas and she and I can start going on bike rides together.  I have to do something about this last 86 lbs that I have to lose.  People are really starting to notice the little bit of progres that I have made and it does motivate me to want to continue.  I know that I need to get back in the habit of eating healthier and I have to get back in gear with exercise and working out.

I signed up for the Biggest Loser Club online and I have to get more in the habit of logging on everyday and being proactive with my meal plans and fitness program.

I can't believe that we are heading into the last full week of March!  I weighed on Friday and was quite disappointed in myself.  After posting some great losses over the last couple of weeks, I have gained 4.2 lbs this week :(  But, I am not letting myself get down. I got a one of those "steps" to do some step areobics.  I plan to start today with the step routine.  It came with a starter video.  I no longer can afford my membership to the YMCA and with the fact that Hubby, daughter and I are moving in with my mom at the end of June, I am going to start purchasing things to build a home gym in my mom's basement.  I am starting to compile a list of equipment that I want to purchase and in pieces I will get my gym put together.  My next large purchase is going to be either a workout bench or treadmill.  I found a nice little basic workout bench at Target for like $89 bucks and a treadmill at walmart for $175.  I don't need top of the line so the least expensive I can find the better it is for me.

On the other hand, mom is still going strong with staying on target and keeping focused on the big picture.  She is losing about 1 to 2 lbs per week and I am extremely proud of her.

Wow, here we are again at the start of a new week. Well, last week's weigh-in must have been a lot of water retention, cause this week's weigh in posted better numbers...I weighed in at 248 lbs...for a lost of 4.8 lbs!  I am feeling good about that, even though all I did was watch my portion sizes, drank only soda and 1 cup of coffee each day, and didn't get to the gym like I had hoped.  One thing I can say is that making lifestyle changes takes a lot of hard work, willingness and determination. I am trying to find a partner who is as competitive as me so that we can send in an application for Season 6.  I have never wanted something so bad. I have a dynamic story, now that I sit back and thing about it.  A lot of my weight loss is a direct result of what has happened to me in my life. I have decided that it may be important for me to able to successfully continue on this journey if I just get this out in the open.

So, here is my story:

I was born in NE Ohio to a middle-class, blue collar family.  My dad is a Vietnam Vet and former Air Force Sargeant, my mom is a licensed Cosmetologist, but spent most of her life as a mom and wife, working only part-time in retail, and later as a lunch lady.  My parents divorced after 30 years of marriage, when I was 21 years old. Growing up, I was very athletic, intelligent and involved in a lot of activities both in and out of school.  I think that being so involved was important to me, as it gave me a huge outlet, but also taught me to put others first instead of my own well being.  At the age of 16 1/2, two months before turning 17, I weighed 125 lbs.  I was fit and looking back at old photos, I loved the way my body looked, but I wasn't confident on the inside.  Also at this time, I was in a serious car accident where I went through the windsheild of the vehicle,up to my shoulders, and was forced back in the vehicle as it rolled over 3 times, landing on it's roof.  I sustained serious head injuries, as well as a horrible knee injury.  That accident nearly ended my softball career (which I was working toward the olympics) and hindered my ability to perform baton (I was co-captain of the majorette squad in the marching band).  I couldn't walk for 3 months without the aid of crutches and was put on prescription steroids to rebuild the muscles in my leg.  After a year, I had ballooned to 205 lbs, which is the weight I was when I graduated from high school.  At age 18, 2 months before my 19th birthday, my grandmother passed away of cancer.  She lived in Florida and I never got to tell her how much I loved and respected her while she was on earth.  I was devastated not only by my Grandmother's death, but at that I time I also learned that My Great Aunt had Colon Cancer and my cousin, at age 31 had Cirrhosis of the Liver. My cousin passed away on April 23, 1996, 6 months after my Grandmother's death and 3 days before what would have been her birthday.  My family never discussed the losses and I began to slip into a serious depression.  Food and alcohol became my "crutch" and my coping mechanism.  As the alcohol began to take over, food took a sideline and I began losing weight again, getting back down to between 150-160 by the time I graduated from college.  Also, at this time, I met my daughter's father.  We moved in together soon after we met and were living with my mother at the time.  But, at about 6 months into the relationship, he became very controlling, possessive and, at first, verbally and emotionally abusive.  One of the things he forbid me to do was drink, so I turned to food.  In May 2001, he was high on drugs and one night, he sexually assualted me after I told him that I wanted out of the relationship.  In September 2001, I learned that I was 4 1/2 months pregnant.  I was devastated, not only because I was trying to get away from this abusive relationship, but also because with the pregnancy came a whole mess of health problems.  I ended up gaining 100 lbs through that pregancy. My daughter was born prematurely, but very healthy. However, now he had an excuse for staying in my life...a child.  Eventually, the abuse got worse, he was slipping more and more into his drug use and finally when my daughter was 11 months old, my mother and I managed to get him out of the home. By this time, I had lost about 40 lbs, getting down to 235 lbs.  After he left, I was able to do for me, but I turned to alcohol again.  By October 2003, I had gotten back down to 170-180 pounds.  At that time, I met the man that was to become my husband.  However, he helped me to realize that I was struggling to survive.  I was living my life around alcohol to stuff all of the emotions, thoughts and feelings about myself.  I felt as if I was worthless and that I did not deserve to live.  I finally hit my lowest point in late December 2003. 

I quit drinking and thought I had begun to work on myself, but food became my addiction.  I replaced the alcohol with food, gaining over 100 lbs. between December 2003 and September 23, 2007.  I had gotten back up to the same weight I was when I gave birth to my daughter.  I had to take a good, long look at myself when I started seeing the commercials for The Biggest Loser Season 4.  I saw Nicole and Hollie and I started to see myself.  I started to see what I was doing to myself, my daughter and my husband.  The man I met in October 2003 has gone through so much with me.  He helped me quit drinking and helped me take a look at some of the aspects of my life.  He saw inside of me, instead of the outside...he has helped me to find the beauty that lies within me.  He has never critisized me for being a "big woman", and in fact has always only told me that he wants me to be happy.  But, inside of me, I had to look to find who Tracy is and what she wants to be.  I had to get past the devastating things that have happened in my life...the divorce of my parens, whom were my inspiration, the abuse I sustained from my daughter's father, which led me to believe that's all I deserved, the alcohol and drug addictions I had gotten myself into and all the loss I had endured in my short life. And so, I wroke up on the morning of September 23rd and made the decision that I was doing this for me, I was going to change.  I was going to be a TRUE survivor. So, I began weight watchers, which has taught me that I have to take care of myself.  A lot of days I lose sight of that, and when I lose sight of that, I can tend to binge, or I sulk.  I get depressed and I don't want to get up and workout.  The eating changes have stay remarkable consistent. I am proud of how far I have come, even though I have a LONG way to go.  I am now able to make more appropriate and healthier choices when I purchase and eat food.  I may stumble, but I certainaly don't fall as much.  And, if I do fall, I get right back up, dust my self off and keep pushing forward.  I now know what it means to get active.  And again, I am not perfect, but I have gone from not doing ANYTHING at all by way of exercise to getting a personal trainer, a membership to the YMCA so I could use their fitness center and creating a cardio and weight training program that is specific to me, taking into consideration my lifestyle, my health issues and my weight loss goals.  I have to admit that there are weeks that I just don't feel like going to the gym....but today I have realized that the reason why is my depression/anxiety disorder.  My biggest obstacle is myself.  I have to learn to work through the depression/anxiety episodes and JUST DO IT!  However, since starting the exercise regimen in October 2007, I can honestly say that I am getting more consistent.  I can safely say that on average, I get to the gym 3 times a week.  My goal is to get up to 5 days and to do this constistenly EVERY week.  I think that once I can get over my depression and anxiety and reach this goal, I will see more success in my weight loss.  I am my own worst enemy and I am the one who has control over sabotaging my efforts.

So, I have to accept that only I can make the difference in whether I succeed or fail. No more weeks of just not doing anything.  Even if I don't go to the gym, I have to commit myself to doing some type of workout at home. I have workout videos and I have tons of fitness tips from various sources.  I CAN and WILL do this!

Thought I would hop on here and post an update.  Watched BL last night...I was shocked that Curtis & Mallory got voted off, but it stands to reason since Mallory gained weight this week.  I certainly understand how she feels about the rollar coaster though. 

Mom was able to get to a better scale to weigh herself properly.  Her starting weight is 348.5 lbs.  So, I am adjusting our starting weights.  My regular weekly weigh in is on Sundays based on the fact that I originally starting my weight loss plan on September 23, 2007, which was a Sunday.  Mom's will be on Monday's. 

I did make it to the gym on Monday.  Because I am still sick with whatever virus this is that I have, I was not able to complete the entire workout like I had planned, however, I was able to do 15 minutes on the treadmill with a slight incline at 2.5 mph, 5 minutes on the top xt (technogym equipment) with an effort level of 2 at 56 rpms and 10 minutes on the recumbant bike at 80 rpms.

Mom is working on just trying to get up and moving around and working on trying to change her eating habits.  That is all I can ask for, though she realizes now how this is a matter of life or death for her.

Hey everyone!  Here's our little blog for the Million Pount Match-up.  Today, mom and I start week 1.  So, here is all the background information.

We are a Mother/Daughter team from Northeast Ohio.  Tracy is 31 years old, happily married to Jeff with a 6 year old daughter.  She currently resides in Madison, OH.  Starting weight for the match-up is 249.4 lbs and is 5' 3 1/2" tall.  Tracy's ultimate goal weight is 150 lbs.  Tracy workouts 3 to 5 times per week doing high intensity cardio and weight training.  Tracy's motivation for signing up for the Million Pound Match-Up is to be able to be healthier and possibly stop having to take High Blood Pressure medications.

Karen is a 59 year old divorcee that lives with her two cats in Painesville, OH.  Due to difficulties with our home scales, we are not sure of Karen's exact weight.  We believe she weighs between 305 and 350 lbs and is 5'6" tall.  Karen's goal weight is 180 lbs.  She says that her motivation for losing weight is the fact that she is tired of not being able to move around as good as she used to, she is turning 60 in June and wants to be healthier.  In addition, Karen has been told that she needs to lose weight for a double knee replacement surgery.  Due to physical difficulties, Karen's fitness is limited to walking for now, until she can get some of the pounds off to be able to do more.

Here's our starting photos:  Karen on the Leff and Tracy on the Right